Posts Tagged ‘mind’

This is a dangerous thing, or at least that what my husband believes. It seems that whenever I tell him “I’ve been thinking” it implicates him as well. This is not always true and as you can imagine, some of my plans cannot be executed solo.

It has been awhile since I have written. Recovery from my knee surgery has occupied the lion’s share of the last few weeks, as well as planning a staycation when are plans to travel to Portugal were circumvented by a medical incident. I shared this in a Facebook posting as follows:

Making Lemonade:

Four weeks ago today I landed in the ER with “atrial fibrillation” (rapid, irregular heartbeat). Unexpected, surprising as this was a first and very scared. As the cause was unknown and is yet to be determined (although I have my suspicions) we were advised to cancel our trip to Portugal scheduled for Feb. 25th. The disappointment was huge, tears were shed. We had both been looking forward to escaping winter and shedding the cabin fever that had accumulated.

After a couple of days of living in this space, we both decided that this lemon needed to be turned into lemonade. I signed up at NAV Fit and began swimming twice per week. Jim played hockey locally. We began walking short distances. We checked out events in Ottawa and Montreal and scheduled plays and other events. We went for a spa day. In other words, we set about enjoying our “staycation”.

Today marks our return date from Portugal, where it has been raining most of the time we were supposed to be there, and I am celebrating what has been an amazing four weeks’ vacation. Attitude is everything; that has been my most enduring lesson. I have lingered in bed a little longer in the mornings, meditating and being grateful for the day, I have read more books, I feel regenerated. And isn’t that the goal of any vacation.

When faced again with lemons, and I am sure there will be opportunities, I plan to feel what needs to be felt, move on and make some lemonade.

Turning around this unexpected situation required some planning, an attitude adjustment and a wee bit of thinking. There is much more to share however; here are a couple highlights.

My staycation allowed me ample time for reflection and reading. One of the books I chose was Forgiveness by Mark Sakamoto. After listening to Mark interviewed on CBC radio, I was completely attracted to the book and to exploring a topic which has long been important to me.

The book is a memoir dedicated to his grandparents Hugh MacLean and Mitsue Sakamoto, both of whom experienced incredible hardship during WW2, Hugh as a prisoner of war in a Japanese Camp and Mitsue as a Japanese Canadian expelled from her BC home to labor in Southern Alberta.

Can you imagine the first time these people met around a kitchen table when their respective children decided to wed? The book describes Mark’s grandparents’ journeys, and how these journeys formed him and led him to understand forgiveness.

I learned long ago that to forgive was to give yourself a gift, for those that you refuse to forgive have no idea that they have wronged you. Not forgiving others causes you pain, not the unforgiven. To forgive is to release oneself from the pain and the burden. I also learned that forgiving never implies agreement or condoning the actions of another. These two learnings have helped me time and time again.

“Forgiveness is moving on. It is a daily act that looks forward. Forgiveness smiles.”
Mark Sakamoto


Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem and Self-Worth
I have long-held the opinion that self-esteem and self-confidence are different. I believed that as despite thinking very little of myself for much of my life, this did not stop me from having the confidence to try things.

In her book Wire Your Brain for Confidence, Louise Jewell describes self-esteem as one’s global evaluation of self and one’s self-worth. By contrast, self-confidence is defined as the belief you can do things well or succeed, feeling the capacity to cope with things. You can have one without the other. Finally, she also describes self-efficacy which is essentially the courage to act.

It occurs to me that these days it is self-efficacy that I need the most. Yes, I have spent a life time in action, I have always had goals to be reached, I have always been willing to dive in and see what happens. This seems to have changed recently however, as I step away from the business that has kept me occupied for over 20 years. Frankly, I feel a bit lost. And while I know that the sense of being lost is very much part of the transition process, that neutral zone of discovery, I have to say it doesn’t feel that comfortable.

In looking further into self-efficacy and saving myself from falling into a self-judgmental hole, Jewell goes on to recommend several ways of retaining one’s sense of self-efficacy including setting goals, perseverance (which I also consider to be GRIT), and expecting positive outcomes. Of all of these perseverance rings most true for me, bringing me back to GRIT which is defined as Passion + Perseverance.

What I have been thinking is that it is time for me, perhaps all of us, to define our passion for this phase of our life, that thing that lights us up or which we want to influence in some way and then set about defining how this can happen. All of this requires esteem and belief in oneself, the confidence and courage to try what might be new things. It all feels a bit like starting over.


This is some of what I have been thinking about, finding my way through what some days feels like a maze and other days feel like a vast open field. Either way I have a couple of solid intentions for the journey forward:

  • A happy healthy body, resilient and strong
  • Work/projects/activities which both inspire and engage me and which contribute in someway to the betterment of our world.

Sounds simple….Maybe not….Jumping in anyway!

Until next time


Read Full Post »

It is Sunday morning – the last Sunday of September 2012. As I lay in bed this morning, indulging in a few blissful moments alone, I took an inventory of the abundance that I live in. Gratitude filled my heart as I appreciated Jim (now out playing hockey), Tasha, Cleo and Max, our feline clan, Tigh Shee, our wonderful home and property that we have co-created with Spirit over the last 12 years, and for the work I have been called to do and be. The are the precious moments of life. Basking in gratitude relieves me of any anxiety or stress I feel for what is to come.

Tigh Shee Sign – installed Sept. 22, 2012


A few months ago friends of mine did a presentation on FEAR and I was reminded that an apt acronym for FEAR is Forgetting that Everything is All Right. And I do forget. So I have started asking myself these questions in my quest to surrender:

  • Where am I right now?
  • Is everything all right?
  • Is what I am fretting about happening at this moment?
  • What is happening now?

As I walk through these and sometimes some other related questions I realize how perfect things actually are. Worry always lives in the future even though it exists in our thoughts today. And (oh-oh!) worry is also attractive – if we focus on it, it will happen.

In my conversations with self and Spirit this morning, I realized that much of what I have been engaged in is shifting, in transition, and I understood that like everything else that has happened in my life, it must be for a reason. The times are changing. Energy is evolving. I am being called to grow and expand the work I am engaged in.

I have a strong platform to build on with our ME FIRST Programs and it is clear that this is to be protected and yet there are new learnings on the horizon. For example, this ‘surrender‘ thing! It is a call for me to live more from more heart, to step fully into trusting my accrued wisdom and my intuition, to begin learn, then teach, new strategies for being in our physical bodies.

Just the other day a friend asked me what the next book would be. I said I had no idea and then yesterday the pot began to bubble. I am not sure yet and I know it has something to do with building a new relationship with our bodies and finally forging the body-mind-spirit connection. We talk about it but do we live it? I see so many clients who have been disconnected from their bodies and I know intuitively that the road to healing is to reconnect with one’s physical form. All of this is percolating. Rather than Conversations with God is may be Conversations with Your Body.

Blessed are the Curious

Life keeps on giving. My work is to keep on receiving and allowing. To set the course for this, I must release any encumbrances (worry, anxiety, shoulds and have to’s).

These are my reflections for this cloudy, fall day! What are yours?

Until next time…


Read Full Post »